Fear of Taking Meds
Fear is a strange thing. What strikes terror in one person’s heart doesn’t faze another person at all. For me, I could drive motorcycles at super fast speeds, pushing them faster and faster, just to see what they could do. Opening up my 2017 Harley Softail Slim (with a built 120R) on a backcountry road – or even on a downtown expressway – was thrilling. I loved the adrenalin rush.
On the other hand, taking medication totally freaked me out.
Seriously. For most of my life I wrestled with untreated anxiety and depression. I tried treating it myself, drinking to alleviate the anxiety, and that worked for a while – until it didn’t. I tried meditation and exercise. They helped some. But nothing really got to the root of the problem until I got desperate enough to take prescribed medication for my anxiety under the supervision of a medical doctor.
Today, it’s something I’m open about – but for a long time, I was terrified of taking medication and I never talked about it with anyone.
The more I share it openly, the more I learn I’m not the only one who suffered this fear. In fact, there’s a lot of us. They even have a name for it: “Pharmacophobia.” It’s the fear of medication and a negative attitude towards drugs. I found a study that said between 30-50% of people don’t take their prescribed therapies, and one of the biggest reasons they think is this fear. That was me.
When I finally surrendered and went to the doctor and got a prescription, I wouldn’t take it. Or I would sometimes take it, but not long enough or regularly enough to get any real effect. I would get the prescription filled and leave the bottle untouched. The bottles collected on the bathroom shelf. Or I would bring the prescription home and toss it in the pile with mail and bills.
Why? Fear of the unknown. Of being out of control. Of side effects I couldn’t anticipate and couldn’t control. I knew what it was like to live with anxiety; I’d been living with it since I was a young kid. I knew what it was like to stay up all night with a racing head and a pounding heart. What I didn’t know was what it was like to take a pill to make that go away. Because then what? What if it changed me into a completely different person? What if it gave me new emotions that I had no idea what to do with? What if I took it and went to sleep and never woke up?
These are all questions I grappled with a for a long time, alone – until finally, I got so low and hit a bottom and finally, finally surrendered and asked for help.
And that changed everything.
Next up: I’ll talk about what happened and what it’s like today.
how did i get over my fear of taking medication?
the xanax and benadryl weren’t working aymore. anxiety after josh died got super bad. couple months, such a hard time sleeping, wasn’t sleeping, coil dget maybe 2-3 hours of sleep. like not even sleeping. next day was shot. went to urgent care in rainerd. saw dr. moriarty. i’m at the bottom. depressed cause i can’t sleep, mind’s not right cause i can’t sleep. well, i used to have my own practice and i specialized in anxiety and i have anxiety. so i’m going to put you on this and i’m going to put you on this one. this nighttime one i don’t want you to google. you’ll see things that dobn’t have anything to do with you. it’s been off-labeled for people with sleep issues.
all right, i’m at bottom, can i get the prescription right now – i was with him for an hour! in urgent care. i went to the pharmacy in the hospital and took it right there. becauase i was willing right there. if i had left
feeling of calmness and tired might come on right away. he was right. i felt okay with it. i wasn’t freaking out, it wasn’t screwing with my mind. that night, i was sowrried about getting sleep. so i took the other pill he gave me. that pill jacked me up, couldn’t walk or talk well, i layed down and gave in and went to sleep. when i felt what it was doing to me, i started to get anxiety pretty bad. regan said, just give in ito it. just submit to it. if i die, i die. and i lay down and i slept.
regan was convinced i would never take it again. that morning, i took my morning pill, i was calm that night i manned up and took it again. 1.5 years and i have not missed a pill
there was a time when my cholesterol was kinda high, she was going to put me on medication for it i said yeah, put me on it –
dr said, i don’t want to just throw medication at you.
(ultrasound) for heart – did the test – check the heart – any type of blockage = at my age it could have build up – but if it was too much, they’d put me on medication. found nothing. you are atypical – we couldn’t find any cholesterol in your system. every time i go in, it’s high at first, then goes down …
because i took this medication –
it’s changed for me. what good it did for me. i’m not perfect with my anxiety, but it’s more manageable. seeing those results – makes it so i’m not worried about it as much.
anxiety about taking medication – maybe it would make it so i couldn’t sleep. ehealth and such, but sleep is a big thing with me. worst thing, not being able to sleep, being up all night. always … medication is going to do something unknown – fear of unknown.